| Life reboot - Part 3: Recognizing the trap | 5 comments |
| 31 Oct 2009 @ 15:09 Part 1: Waking up Part 2: The trap Have you ever felt like you are dragging yourself through life? Well, I have. On Mondays I wished it was Friday already. When the weekend finally came I got soon bored and it passed by so quickly I hardly noticed. In the autumn I looked forward the winter holidays, in the winter, I was dreaming about the summer, and when it was summer, I did not even notice it passing by. Do you have the feeling that your life is stopped by barriers? I had that often. I felt like I am not yet ready to go – there are obstacles I must overcome or solve first, before I can really create my life. As Father Alfred D Souza expressed it: "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.” – does it sound familiar? I was waiting for as sign, something unexpected to happen, a miracle to turn my life around. I imagined and dreamed of all the good stuff I wanted, placed it in the future or in some kind of nirvana that may materialize if I really deserve it. I was unconsciously trying to avoid living in the moment... More > |
| Life reboot - Part 2: The trap | 2 comments |
 6 Sep 2009 @ 10:31Part 1: Waking up While I am a professional in my area and I have always been proud of doing a good job, whatever great results I delivered, however people praised me that I am brilliant, I could not get real satisfaction out of it... OK, I know I am good. And? How does that solve it? That does not get me much closer to my original life purposes in itself. So I still I could not get satisfaction or peace of mind, because my basic purpose, THE purpose of my life, seemed to have failed. I did not admit that, oh, no. It took me quite a while to admit and realize how much effect it had on me, that a group, which I have chosen to be part of eternally and give all my power to, turned out to be a false choice... More > |
| Life reboot - Part 1: Waking up | 1 comment |
 4 Sep 2009 @ 21:33Just another morning... The alarm goes off in the late morning and I snooze it, again and again... for at least an hour. Why wake up? Dreaming is so pleasant. I dreamt for hours in the mornings. Reconstructed the past, looked at variations of unsolvable situations, tested future possible scenarios. That’s the job of the mind, searching for solutions. How to survive, how to win. I decided to let it run away, maybe it would dream up the final solution that will set all things just right. So I pushed the snooze button on the clock every 10 minutes and dreamt away... I am part of the elite corps again... the situation is hopeless all around, the planet is flooded, we are trying to get everyone evacuated, senior officers are shouting commands, we are running to save lives of others not caring about our own - and all what I am busy with is a strong protest, disagreement with the orders, the commanders, the whole situation. It is just not right, it should be handled another way! ... More > |